<![CDATA[Forums - All Forums]]> http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/ Tue, 18 Jun 2013 06:26:04 +0000 MyBB <![CDATA[Blog Posts]]> http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=135 Fri, 20 Jul 2012 15:26:50 +0000 http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=135 <![CDATA[Mystery]]> http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=134 Fri, 20 Jul 2012 15:21:10 +0000 http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=134 <![CDATA[Science Fiction]]> http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=133 Fri, 20 Jul 2012 15:20:41 +0000 http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=133 <![CDATA[Romance]]> http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=132 Fri, 20 Jul 2012 15:19:32 +0000 http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=132 <![CDATA[Crime/Thriller]]> http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=131 Fri, 20 Jul 2012 15:19:13 +0000 http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=131 <![CDATA[Horror]]> http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=130 Fri, 20 Jul 2012 15:18:14 +0000 http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=130 <![CDATA[Paranormal/Fantasy]]> http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=129 Fri, 20 Jul 2012 15:17:49 +0000 http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=129 <![CDATA[How frequently do you check in here?]]> http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=126 Fri, 23 Mar 2012 22:40:36 +0000 http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=126
Granted, there's not a lot of us, and we DO have email, so the forum here will obviously be sparse. But, I still swing by to see if there are new posts about once or twice a day. Anyone else?]]>
Granted, there's not a lot of us, and we DO have email, so the forum here will obviously be sparse. But, I still swing by to see if there are new posts about once or twice a day. Anyone else?]]> <![CDATA[A question of time and simultaneous action. Your thoughts?]]> http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=125 Wed, 14 Mar 2012 12:50:44 +0000 http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=125
I recently wrote a piece that begins with this sentence:
“Stumbling out of the tangle of honeysuckle vines, he broke into the tobacco field beneath a sky the color of faded denim.”

Now, this isn’t really a good example, but the issue came up (most recently) with regards to this sentence. The problem had been that the character is essentially doing two things at once. In this case, it’s kind of OK because the act of breaking through the vines is HOW he enters the field. Kind of like saying “he walked through the door and entered the room”, but not as silly.

However, here’s another example from the story I’m currently working on:
“Snatching his jacket from the coat rack, he yanked open the door and stormed out.”

Now, ignoring for the time being that this sentence is mostly cliché, how does this play with regards to tense and simultaneous actions? It reads like he’s literally taking his jacket from the rack and walking out the door at the same time – a physical impossibility. But, that’s obviously not the intent. I can say:
“He snatched his jacket from the coat rack, then yanked open the door and stormed out.”

That seems to fix the first simultaneous action bit, but it’s not really all of it. He’s opening the door at the same time as he’s walking out. Maybe I should say:
“He snatched his jacket from the coat rack, then yanked open the door before storming out.”

But, here’s the thing: This doesn’t feel right. The first one feels right to me. The reader understands what is meant, even if it’s not correct in a temporal (time-based) sense.

So, I guess my question is this: How important is this stuff? Does it sound better to you if it is temporally correct, or does it really matter as long as the reader understands what is happening?

Another question: What is more important – economy of words, or being correct with regards to temporal issues?

I hope I’m getting this across clearly. It’s sort of a new concept to me. This is something I’ve never really thought about before. Actually, that’s a good thing, because that means that I’m learning and growing as a writer if I’m aware of new issues to look out for. I’ve gone beyond just worrying about spelling and grammar. I’ve got Rudy and Rebecca to thank for opening my eyes to this and a LOT more. (Thanks guys!)

Anyway, what do you guys think about this issue?

Brandon]]>
I recently wrote a piece that begins with this sentence:
“Stumbling out of the tangle of honeysuckle vines, he broke into the tobacco field beneath a sky the color of faded denim.”

Now, this isn’t really a good example, but the issue came up (most recently) with regards to this sentence. The problem had been that the character is essentially doing two things at once. In this case, it’s kind of OK because the act of breaking through the vines is HOW he enters the field. Kind of like saying “he walked through the door and entered the room”, but not as silly.

However, here’s another example from the story I’m currently working on:
“Snatching his jacket from the coat rack, he yanked open the door and stormed out.”

Now, ignoring for the time being that this sentence is mostly cliché, how does this play with regards to tense and simultaneous actions? It reads like he’s literally taking his jacket from the rack and walking out the door at the same time – a physical impossibility. But, that’s obviously not the intent. I can say:
“He snatched his jacket from the coat rack, then yanked open the door and stormed out.”

That seems to fix the first simultaneous action bit, but it’s not really all of it. He’s opening the door at the same time as he’s walking out. Maybe I should say:
“He snatched his jacket from the coat rack, then yanked open the door before storming out.”

But, here’s the thing: This doesn’t feel right. The first one feels right to me. The reader understands what is meant, even if it’s not correct in a temporal (time-based) sense.

So, I guess my question is this: How important is this stuff? Does it sound better to you if it is temporally correct, or does it really matter as long as the reader understands what is happening?

Another question: What is more important – economy of words, or being correct with regards to temporal issues?

I hope I’m getting this across clearly. It’s sort of a new concept to me. This is something I’ve never really thought about before. Actually, that’s a good thing, because that means that I’m learning and growing as a writer if I’m aware of new issues to look out for. I’ve gone beyond just worrying about spelling and grammar. I’ve got Rudy and Rebecca to thank for opening my eyes to this and a LOT more. (Thanks guys!)

Anyway, what do you guys think about this issue?

Brandon]]> <![CDATA[Point of View Depth Workshop]]> http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=124 Sun, 26 Feb 2012 23:49:20 +0000 http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=124
http://writeintoprint.blogspot.com/2011/...r-pov.html

After that, I invite you to post 500 words, and I'll give them a POV critique Smile]]>
http://writeintoprint.blogspot.com/2011/...r-pov.html

After that, I invite you to post 500 words, and I'll give them a POV critique Smile]]> <![CDATA[The Willows: Haven, by Hope Collier, Kindle Edition -- 4 Stars]]> http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=119 Sat, 28 Jan 2012 02:18:53 +0000 http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=119
It’s not until Ashton’s father dies that she learns the truth about her family: her mother, her father, herself. And it doesn’t stop there. Her whole life has been a lie, and as time goes on, Ashton is learning more and more that there’s no one she can trust. She’s exposed to a magical world that she never knew existed and yet possibly cannot exist without her. Ultimately, Ash has to decide if her life is worth fighting for, and choose whether to follow the path laid out for her, as others have done before, or carve her own path, as her mother once did. If Ash runs, she’ll be running forever.


Overall Impressions:

At its heart, this a good story with a highly original concept. Hope Collier brings a fresh voice to the Fantasy market, and this novel has a wide appeal, appropriate for the Young Adult audience while still appealing to adults. One of the things that I think make this novel a potential hit, aside from what I’ve already mentioned, is that it carries that all-important core value readers are looking for: entertainment. This book provided some good reading material for me when I needed to pass the time.

That said, it’s not without it’s flaws. I’d love to read a second edition of this novel if it ever came out, just because I see the potential for this novel to go from “great” to “outstanding” with as little as a single, strong professional critique and a few more passes for editing and proofreading. As it stands, there are perhaps a few small flaws that make this feel thrown together to my overly-persnickety tastes. Really, though, I don’t think most readers would notice, and this didn’t take away from the novels entertainment value.


Story: 5 stars

This story has good bones. Amazing bones. Honestly, I’d say this book has the ones of the supermodel. While this particular supermodel may need to work on her posture and perfect her runway walk, there’s no denying the beauty and potential here, which can be seen from a mile away. And it’s unique, a trait that books (and models) need to make it in the industry. Really, I just loved the general plot/idea/premise for this novel. A few developments in the plot felt forced, but they were few and far between and wouldn’t have been a problem if some of the other areas mentioned in this review were addressed.


Pacing: 4 stars

Overall, the pacing was pretty good. Hope Collier keeps the story moving forward (most of the time). There were a few spots throughout that I felt could have been tightened up, and the occasional errors perhaps also contributed to distracting me and slowing the pace a tad. And in other places, I felt things could have been fleshed out–but this wasn’t so much a pacing issue, and I will get to those things in the following sections. I wouldn’t say I was hooked, but I will say the pacing was better than you average read.


Voice: 5 stars

Hope Collier’s voice really sings in this novel. She has some clever turns of phrase (such as “warmth stole to my cheeks”and “heart sprang into my throat”) and uses some unexpected words in ways that feel completely natural. I admit to the occasional envy over such things.


Characters: 3

Some of the characters “bled together” a bit, where they were saying similar things, speaking in similar ways, repeating the same actions/mannerisms, and so on. Also, while I liked the voice of the MC and a lot of aspects of her personality, her character suffered from “everybody wants me” syndrome. I didn’t find it believable that just about everyone in the novel wanted her in some way or another. Didn’t anyone not like her? Even the “antagonists” were really just people who were clearly attracted to her. She’s wanted by her boyfriend, her best friend, and the mystery guy. Even her boyfriend’s “friends” made jokes that indicated they wanted her, and there were tons of female characters throughout who just liked her. There was maybe one character in the whole novel who seemed not to like her (similar to the way Rosalie doesn’t like Bella) but we only see that for one sentence in the whole book and then that disappears and we never even see the motivation behind that. Also, I felt Ashton didn’t really try to improve her situation in many cases, she needed to be “rescued” too often, gave up on things too easily, and was at times, I hate to say it, a bit pathetic and unreasonable. All that said, this seems to happen a lot in Young Adult fantasy, so perhaps this is just a genre quirk that’s not my thing. Some character motivations could have been better developed. There were, however, still a ton of characters with very clear, distinct, believable personalities. Including Ash, even if I didn’t love her. I also never understood why Gabe called her Grace or Gracie (or why he used both.) Also, there were a lot of names starting with the same letter that led me to be confused about who was who in some parts of the story. For example: Kevin and Kyle. This was minor and only caused major confusion once. Gabe was also a bit more two-dimensional than I would have liked, but I saw some strong moments from him and think he had a lot of potential as a character. There were some really great steamy moments in the middle of the novel as well.


Theme: 3

I didn’t really feel one way or another about the theme. I do think there was a lot of opportunity still left to build on the themes, however, especially in places where Ash is faced with choices, and in the ending specifically. It’s good, however, that the novel comes full circle in a sense, including in terms of theme, but I won’t get into that because I don’t want to give anything away.


Continuity: 4

The story flows forward with very few jolts along the way. I won’t say that it’s forcefully driven, as the plot really revolves more on “things happening” than on the MC taking action and experiencing consequences and being forced into new situations. But most of the pieces come together in the end. The early chapters set the ground work while still moving the story forward and at the same time build interest. That interest, as the story moves on, soon turns to suspense. Sometimes there were some really good hooks to get me to read the next chapter, but some of them were “fake” hooks, that when read straight through didn’t make sense and weren’t supported by character motivations. If a character does/says something that makes no sense, I really need a motivation to make sense of it for me. Instead, those moments just felt like forced hooks instead of natural ones.


Logic: 3

There were some plot holes–things that made me go … “Wait! That doesn’t make sense!” or “Hold on a minute! We’re missing something here. Help me connect the dots.” I wouldn’t say it was anything major, but since I took my time reading this, those things really stood out to me. I will say this though–the author did a good job of getting me invested enough in the story to think about it enough to catch what some of us call “fridge logic“. Some of the smaller logic issues included things like LABELED spare keys hidden outside. For those who would hide their keys outside, I don’t think they would label them.


Dialogue: 4

Very natural dialogue. I never felt like the characters were saying things that people wouldn’t really say. The only time I was ever slowed down by the dialogue was during those times where characters sounded a bit too much like each other (mostly because of using the same general phrases). This didn’t happen excessively, but it was enough for me to notice.


Setting: 5

Hope Collier KNOCKS IT OUT OF THE PARK on setting. While I did start to get a bit annoyed with the constant use of the word “scent” to explain scents, I’d say that is more of a stylistic issue that could be fixed by using a deeper POV. Mostly, though, what I noticed what this rich world full of details that made me feel like I was there. I could visualize it all. And yet, I didnt’ really feel like I was being given the descriptions. They just … happened (with perhaps the exception of one scene that went on a bit long in a rather telling manner, but it was a minor offense.) Really, though, I think this novel has some of the best setting development I’ve read in fiction in a long time.


Point of View: 3

I was a bit disappointed with the number of point of view breaks in this novel, especially considering how it’s written in first person. There were times where Ashton seemed to be speaking for other people’s emotions or telling us the motivations behind their actions when she couldn’t have possibly known. And all this said “matter of fact”. I’d have thought Ashton would doubt herself a little bit more than that by the end of the story (after learning that things aren’t always what they seem), but this problem continued throughout the manuscript.


Editing: 3

I noticed several recurring problems in the manuscript, which is easiest to just list below:

1) Formatting issues. Toward the end of the novel, new chapters didn’t start on a new page.

2) Repeated words or phrases. Hope Collier seemed to have a new “clutch” word, phrase, or action in each chapter. So in one chapter, she might excessively have eyebrows moving (maybe worded in different ways), or head shaking, or face touching, or fingers brushing on faces. In another chapter, she might use “laughed once” several times. Then the next chapter, it was “murmuring”. Then after that, smiling, then looking, then muttering, then “tight smile”, then face warming, and so on. There was a clutch word in every chapter. One chapter had tingling and trailing and then a tingling trail.

3) Occasionally there was missing punctuation, most commonly when a comma should have been used with a participial phrase (such as “jerked up in bed panting and soaking” and “Gabe shook me trying to get my attention”–as some examples of many). Also there were some missing hyphens.

4) Improper grammar: There were, at times, sentences that weren’t grammatically sound. For example: “Climbing into the shower, I turned the heat up and let the spray beat against my back, massaging away the stress.” Grammatically, that sentence implies she 1) climbed into the shower 2) turned up the hear 3) let it spray her back and 4) it massaged away the stress. ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I don’t think her stress was massaged away simultaneous to her climbing into the shower. Also some pronoun ambiguity caused a few moments of momentary confusion.

5) Typos (such as “held” when the writer meant “hold”) and missing words a little more commonly than I would have expected to see, along with occasional incorrect word usage. Proofreading would have helped with this along with the previously-mentioned formatting issues.

I won’t get into all of it. While there were a lot of comments in this regard and these problems (and several more) presented themselves more frequently than I expected, none of it was major and could all easily be fixed.


The Ending: 4

I felt like there were a lot of unanswered questions at the end, but overall, it was such a strong ending that it made up for it. My main concerns were that 1) some of it was too predictable–including things I sensed were supposed to be a surprise–and 2) I wasn’t buying some of the things Gabe said at the end. It didn’t make sense, his motivations weren’t strong enough, he should have had to prove himself and explain himself more. Some resolutions happened to quickly (to the point I didn’t find them believable). But there were some beautiful passages in that segment that really nailed it and aside from the above problem I thought it was one of the stronger endings to a book I’ve read in some time. the only problems really tied back to the character issues.


Closing Thoughts:

While there were some things I have to nit pick regarding this novel, it was overall a good read and I’m glad I made the purchase. I made a ton of comments on my kindle and would have liked to share some examples, but I haven’t mastered the syncing to my computer yet. Also, I think most readers will overlook these things anyway.This novel has the potential to be a bestseller, and if it becomes one, I wouldn’t at all be surprised. It deserves to do well. My average star rating came out to 3.8 stars, but since I don’t have partial stars, I’m going with my gut and saying this is a four star book–one that could easily become five stars (for me) quite easily, and one that could easily already be a five-star novel to many readers. Hope Collier is brilliant and talented and has created a world readers will love.


My overall rating at this time? 4 stars.

I’d recommend this novel to others, and I’d read more from this author.]]>
It’s not until Ashton’s father dies that she learns the truth about her family: her mother, her father, herself. And it doesn’t stop there. Her whole life has been a lie, and as time goes on, Ashton is learning more and more that there’s no one she can trust. She’s exposed to a magical world that she never knew existed and yet possibly cannot exist without her. Ultimately, Ash has to decide if her life is worth fighting for, and choose whether to follow the path laid out for her, as others have done before, or carve her own path, as her mother once did. If Ash runs, she’ll be running forever.


Overall Impressions:

At its heart, this a good story with a highly original concept. Hope Collier brings a fresh voice to the Fantasy market, and this novel has a wide appeal, appropriate for the Young Adult audience while still appealing to adults. One of the things that I think make this novel a potential hit, aside from what I’ve already mentioned, is that it carries that all-important core value readers are looking for: entertainment. This book provided some good reading material for me when I needed to pass the time.

That said, it’s not without it’s flaws. I’d love to read a second edition of this novel if it ever came out, just because I see the potential for this novel to go from “great” to “outstanding” with as little as a single, strong professional critique and a few more passes for editing and proofreading. As it stands, there are perhaps a few small flaws that make this feel thrown together to my overly-persnickety tastes. Really, though, I don’t think most readers would notice, and this didn’t take away from the novels entertainment value.


Story: 5 stars

This story has good bones. Amazing bones. Honestly, I’d say this book has the ones of the supermodel. While this particular supermodel may need to work on her posture and perfect her runway walk, there’s no denying the beauty and potential here, which can be seen from a mile away. And it’s unique, a trait that books (and models) need to make it in the industry. Really, I just loved the general plot/idea/premise for this novel. A few developments in the plot felt forced, but they were few and far between and wouldn’t have been a problem if some of the other areas mentioned in this review were addressed.


Pacing: 4 stars

Overall, the pacing was pretty good. Hope Collier keeps the story moving forward (most of the time). There were a few spots throughout that I felt could have been tightened up, and the occasional errors perhaps also contributed to distracting me and slowing the pace a tad. And in other places, I felt things could have been fleshed out–but this wasn’t so much a pacing issue, and I will get to those things in the following sections. I wouldn’t say I was hooked, but I will say the pacing was better than you average read.


Voice: 5 stars

Hope Collier’s voice really sings in this novel. She has some clever turns of phrase (such as “warmth stole to my cheeks”and “heart sprang into my throat”) and uses some unexpected words in ways that feel completely natural. I admit to the occasional envy over such things.


Characters: 3

Some of the characters “bled together” a bit, where they were saying similar things, speaking in similar ways, repeating the same actions/mannerisms, and so on. Also, while I liked the voice of the MC and a lot of aspects of her personality, her character suffered from “everybody wants me” syndrome. I didn’t find it believable that just about everyone in the novel wanted her in some way or another. Didn’t anyone not like her? Even the “antagonists” were really just people who were clearly attracted to her. She’s wanted by her boyfriend, her best friend, and the mystery guy. Even her boyfriend’s “friends” made jokes that indicated they wanted her, and there were tons of female characters throughout who just liked her. There was maybe one character in the whole novel who seemed not to like her (similar to the way Rosalie doesn’t like Bella) but we only see that for one sentence in the whole book and then that disappears and we never even see the motivation behind that. Also, I felt Ashton didn’t really try to improve her situation in many cases, she needed to be “rescued” too often, gave up on things too easily, and was at times, I hate to say it, a bit pathetic and unreasonable. All that said, this seems to happen a lot in Young Adult fantasy, so perhaps this is just a genre quirk that’s not my thing. Some character motivations could have been better developed. There were, however, still a ton of characters with very clear, distinct, believable personalities. Including Ash, even if I didn’t love her. I also never understood why Gabe called her Grace or Gracie (or why he used both.) Also, there were a lot of names starting with the same letter that led me to be confused about who was who in some parts of the story. For example: Kevin and Kyle. This was minor and only caused major confusion once. Gabe was also a bit more two-dimensional than I would have liked, but I saw some strong moments from him and think he had a lot of potential as a character. There were some really great steamy moments in the middle of the novel as well.


Theme: 3

I didn’t really feel one way or another about the theme. I do think there was a lot of opportunity still left to build on the themes, however, especially in places where Ash is faced with choices, and in the ending specifically. It’s good, however, that the novel comes full circle in a sense, including in terms of theme, but I won’t get into that because I don’t want to give anything away.


Continuity: 4

The story flows forward with very few jolts along the way. I won’t say that it’s forcefully driven, as the plot really revolves more on “things happening” than on the MC taking action and experiencing consequences and being forced into new situations. But most of the pieces come together in the end. The early chapters set the ground work while still moving the story forward and at the same time build interest. That interest, as the story moves on, soon turns to suspense. Sometimes there were some really good hooks to get me to read the next chapter, but some of them were “fake” hooks, that when read straight through didn’t make sense and weren’t supported by character motivations. If a character does/says something that makes no sense, I really need a motivation to make sense of it for me. Instead, those moments just felt like forced hooks instead of natural ones.


Logic: 3

There were some plot holes–things that made me go … “Wait! That doesn’t make sense!” or “Hold on a minute! We’re missing something here. Help me connect the dots.” I wouldn’t say it was anything major, but since I took my time reading this, those things really stood out to me. I will say this though–the author did a good job of getting me invested enough in the story to think about it enough to catch what some of us call “fridge logic“. Some of the smaller logic issues included things like LABELED spare keys hidden outside. For those who would hide their keys outside, I don’t think they would label them.


Dialogue: 4

Very natural dialogue. I never felt like the characters were saying things that people wouldn’t really say. The only time I was ever slowed down by the dialogue was during those times where characters sounded a bit too much like each other (mostly because of using the same general phrases). This didn’t happen excessively, but it was enough for me to notice.


Setting: 5

Hope Collier KNOCKS IT OUT OF THE PARK on setting. While I did start to get a bit annoyed with the constant use of the word “scent” to explain scents, I’d say that is more of a stylistic issue that could be fixed by using a deeper POV. Mostly, though, what I noticed what this rich world full of details that made me feel like I was there. I could visualize it all. And yet, I didnt’ really feel like I was being given the descriptions. They just … happened (with perhaps the exception of one scene that went on a bit long in a rather telling manner, but it was a minor offense.) Really, though, I think this novel has some of the best setting development I’ve read in fiction in a long time.


Point of View: 3

I was a bit disappointed with the number of point of view breaks in this novel, especially considering how it’s written in first person. There were times where Ashton seemed to be speaking for other people’s emotions or telling us the motivations behind their actions when she couldn’t have possibly known. And all this said “matter of fact”. I’d have thought Ashton would doubt herself a little bit more than that by the end of the story (after learning that things aren’t always what they seem), but this problem continued throughout the manuscript.


Editing: 3

I noticed several recurring problems in the manuscript, which is easiest to just list below:

1) Formatting issues. Toward the end of the novel, new chapters didn’t start on a new page.

2) Repeated words or phrases. Hope Collier seemed to have a new “clutch” word, phrase, or action in each chapter. So in one chapter, she might excessively have eyebrows moving (maybe worded in different ways), or head shaking, or face touching, or fingers brushing on faces. In another chapter, she might use “laughed once” several times. Then the next chapter, it was “murmuring”. Then after that, smiling, then looking, then muttering, then “tight smile”, then face warming, and so on. There was a clutch word in every chapter. One chapter had tingling and trailing and then a tingling trail.

3) Occasionally there was missing punctuation, most commonly when a comma should have been used with a participial phrase (such as “jerked up in bed panting and soaking” and “Gabe shook me trying to get my attention”–as some examples of many). Also there were some missing hyphens.

4) Improper grammar: There were, at times, sentences that weren’t grammatically sound. For example: “Climbing into the shower, I turned the heat up and let the spray beat against my back, massaging away the stress.” Grammatically, that sentence implies she 1) climbed into the shower 2) turned up the hear 3) let it spray her back and 4) it massaged away the stress. ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I don’t think her stress was massaged away simultaneous to her climbing into the shower. Also some pronoun ambiguity caused a few moments of momentary confusion.

5) Typos (such as “held” when the writer meant “hold”) and missing words a little more commonly than I would have expected to see, along with occasional incorrect word usage. Proofreading would have helped with this along with the previously-mentioned formatting issues.

I won’t get into all of it. While there were a lot of comments in this regard and these problems (and several more) presented themselves more frequently than I expected, none of it was major and could all easily be fixed.


The Ending: 4

I felt like there were a lot of unanswered questions at the end, but overall, it was such a strong ending that it made up for it. My main concerns were that 1) some of it was too predictable–including things I sensed were supposed to be a surprise–and 2) I wasn’t buying some of the things Gabe said at the end. It didn’t make sense, his motivations weren’t strong enough, he should have had to prove himself and explain himself more. Some resolutions happened to quickly (to the point I didn’t find them believable). But there were some beautiful passages in that segment that really nailed it and aside from the above problem I thought it was one of the stronger endings to a book I’ve read in some time. the only problems really tied back to the character issues.


Closing Thoughts:

While there were some things I have to nit pick regarding this novel, it was overall a good read and I’m glad I made the purchase. I made a ton of comments on my kindle and would have liked to share some examples, but I haven’t mastered the syncing to my computer yet. Also, I think most readers will overlook these things anyway.This novel has the potential to be a bestseller, and if it becomes one, I wouldn’t at all be surprised. It deserves to do well. My average star rating came out to 3.8 stars, but since I don’t have partial stars, I’m going with my gut and saying this is a four star book–one that could easily become five stars (for me) quite easily, and one that could easily already be a five-star novel to many readers. Hope Collier is brilliant and talented and has created a world readers will love.


My overall rating at this time? 4 stars.

I’d recommend this novel to others, and I’d read more from this author.]]> <![CDATA[Girl Over the Edge, by Amy L Kinzer, Kindle Edition -- 4 Stars]]> http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=101 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 20:36:31 +0000 http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=101
Beware--this is along, comprehensive review. Long story short, I loved it and recommend other read it as well. It was more than worth the $0.99 I paid.


Summary:

After Chloe and Beckett make a bad decision as a college party, they’re dropped from top rung of the social ladder straight to the bottom. Beckett manages her way back into the outer skirts of her old circle of friends, while Chloe slips deeper into a depression and steps closer to the edge, both figuratively and literally. Chloe’s obsession with Aurora Bridge–also know as Suicide Bridge–is growing, and Beckett is the only one who can stop Chloe from making the jump. But Becket’s fear of remaining a social outcast keeps getting in the way.


Overall Impressions:

I LOVED this story. It’s an addicting, fast-paced read that had me in tears by the time I reached the end of the story. Amy L Kinzer has a clear natural talent and a story worth sharing. Beckett’s “voice” throughout the story really added to the tone of the novel, and I found it very fitting and an excellent way to convey emotion. There were also bits of humor sprinkled throughout thanks to Beckett’s unenthusiastic enthusiasm towards things like Mom of the Year! and School Spirit! These things were poignant in a way, too, as we can see the juxtaposition between how Beckett used to view life and how she views it now, after The Incident.

There were some aspects of this novel that made it hard for me determine a star rating. While the author has a clear natural talent, there were some very basic skills that, if learned, would have taken the effect of her writing to the next level. There were errors in logic and continuity and repetitiveness that I felt any critique group would have spotted, and there were typos throughout, especially in the first half of the book. At some parts in the story, there were whole ends of paragraphs missing, sentences that made no sense, and completely incorrect words in the middle of sentences. (Think using the word “frog” when you mean “cafeteria”). Had this book been in the hands of a strong editor, I believe one pass for editing and one for proofreading would have been all it would take to make this book flawless. As it stands, there were times I felt this was a first draft.


To fairly rate this, I’ve decided to offer a more comprehensive star rating and give my overall star rating based on that.

Story: 5 Stars

This is one of the best stories I’ve read in a long time. A really long time. I haven’t been this addicted to a read in I can’t remember how long. It’s definitely character-based, where the plot is found in the characters and not in what is happening around them. In some regards, I think this story would hold some merit as literary fiction if it’d been better revised and edited in the writing department.

Pacing: 5 Stars

Excellent. Even with all the repetitions in ideas and descriptions, the pace breezed right along. I don’t know how long the story was, but it FELT like I was reading a novella. I didn’t find any parts that lagged or bored me, which is saying a lot. I almost always feel that way, even with my favorite books (and with my own writing!). Not the case here. I don’t know how many words this novel was, but it read quickly.

Voice: 4 Stars

As I said before, I found this voice overall pleasing. About 80% of the way through, however, there were a couple chapters in the a row that seemed overly repetitive and choppy in the style of the voice. Too much she did this, he did that, it did this, etc. A lot of this could have been fixed through critique also, especially if the author was working on the continuity and flow of her sentences.

Characters: 4 Stars

I thought Chloe and Beckett were brilliant characters. Even the parents in the story (specifically Chloe’s Mom and Beckett’s Mom and Dad) were well developed and believable. Sometimes some of the characters seemed to similar. Such as the way Chloe wouldn’t take care of herself, and then Beckett’s little brother wouldn’t take care of himself. The parallels there, especially when those two chapters were so close together, really stuck out to me, especially as Beckett was saying the same things to both of them, which made the idea feel repetitive and the characters seem less unique to themselves. Emma as a character stood out to me also as being more of a plot device. I found it hard to understand why Beckett was accepted back into the group of friends but Chloe, who used to be even more popular than Beckett, wasn’t. Why did Chloe get it the worst? Were her actions in the pictures taken more severe? I feel like there were some motivations unexplored here that would have made a few of these characters (and the story) more believable. A simple critique prior to publication would have caught this, I believe. Overall, though, the main characters were some of the best characters I’ve read in a long time.

Theme: 5 Stars

This novel is extremely TIMELY. I’d say it’d make some great required reading in both middle schools and high schools. The themes on struggling friendships, consequences for actions, bullying, peer pressure…these are all great topics to cover in a young adult book.

Continuity: 3 Stars

Overall, the story flows pretty well. There are times where ideas repeat or ideas skip around or things come up that weren’t mentioned before (but are being spoke about like they were recently discussed) or ideas are mentioned but never resolved. One example of an idea that is never resolved is why Chloe is losing so much weight. I assumed anorexia. At one point, Beckett mentions knowing Chloe’s secret, which made me think there was something more about Chloe (and like maybe her anorexia would later be revealed) but anorexia is never revealed nor do we find out what this “secret” was. Some of the scenes felt repetitive both in what happened and how things were described. I noticed this was really only a problem in a few chapters, not all of them.

Logic: 3 Stars

There weren’t a ton of logic issues, but what was there really bugged me. For example, at the beginning of the story there’s a girl going under a bridge on a sailboat. But then after that, we’re told that it’s concrete under the bridge and they walk down there. I tried and tried to visualize how it could be both, but I couldn’t. If it could be both, a better description cue from the author would have helped. There were other logic issues throughout–little things that I feel a critique partner or critique group would have spotted. All of these would have be very easy to fix, should the author decide to make some changes and put out a second edition of this fabulous novel!

Dialogue: 4 Stars

Dialogue was something I barely noticed in this novel, perhaps because it was so flawless and natural. Toward the end, there were a couple awkward conversation where people said things I didn’t think they would say or said things in unnatural ways that didn’t feel true to the situation. In a few instances, there were also characters saying similar things in similar ways to the point their voices did mush together for that brief moment. But these really were anomalies compared to the rest of the dialogue in the book. To be honest, rarely do I see such natural dialogue in writing. It’s a hard skill to master–this author must have a natural ear for it.

Setting: 4 Stars

Not a lot of time is spend on setting, but I think this is partly what keeps the pace moving along. There’s enough to fill in the blanks and let the reader use their imagination. Sometimes what is described is a bit repetitive and some variation would have been nice. The sparse style really worked for this novel overall.

Writing: 3 Stars

I’ve mentioned a few things already in passing, but there were some other things about the writing I felt could have been improved. There were tense slips (past instead of present in a present tense moment.) There were missing words, typos, missing punctuation, and other proofreading errors. Also, I noticed the author saying “I nod my head” and “She waves her hand” and things like that a lot. This kind of overwriting can become redundant, not just because it’s being used so frequently (sometimes 3 head nods in one scene) but also because of how it’s worded. “She nods” is enough. “She waves” is enough. We know people nod heads and wave hands. Now, if they’re nodding their feet or waving their nose, then the author might want to specify. Again, these are the kind of nit pics that are considered basics in writing. This is why I say the writer has such natural talent. She knows the stuff that can’t be taught. Empower her with some basic writing skills, and watch out! (It was NOT poorly-written by any means. It just wasn't as good as it could have easily been)

The Ending: 4 Stars

I feel that the wrap up chapter just barely missed the mark, though I liked the general idea. In some regards, more closure/explanation was needed, along with more hope for the future. Endings are always hard, though. The climax, however, was amazing and made me cry!



Closing Thoughts:

In the end, there were a few things that detracted from my reading (probably things that wouldn’t bother your average reader!) but it didn’t stop me from loving this novel. If those few things had been fixed, I’d have given this five stars. I hope this author can soon get a good critique group and a fabulous editor to help her novel reach her full potential. This is the kind of novel I would sign as an acquiring editor, as I can see the raw talent and untapped potential that would be oh-so-easy to bring to realization.



My overall rating at this time? 4 Stars

I’d recommend this novel to others, and I’d read more from this author.]]>
Beware--this is along, comprehensive review. Long story short, I loved it and recommend other read it as well. It was more than worth the $0.99 I paid.


Summary:

After Chloe and Beckett make a bad decision as a college party, they’re dropped from top rung of the social ladder straight to the bottom. Beckett manages her way back into the outer skirts of her old circle of friends, while Chloe slips deeper into a depression and steps closer to the edge, both figuratively and literally. Chloe’s obsession with Aurora Bridge–also know as Suicide Bridge–is growing, and Beckett is the only one who can stop Chloe from making the jump. But Becket’s fear of remaining a social outcast keeps getting in the way.


Overall Impressions:

I LOVED this story. It’s an addicting, fast-paced read that had me in tears by the time I reached the end of the story. Amy L Kinzer has a clear natural talent and a story worth sharing. Beckett’s “voice” throughout the story really added to the tone of the novel, and I found it very fitting and an excellent way to convey emotion. There were also bits of humor sprinkled throughout thanks to Beckett’s unenthusiastic enthusiasm towards things like Mom of the Year! and School Spirit! These things were poignant in a way, too, as we can see the juxtaposition between how Beckett used to view life and how she views it now, after The Incident.

There were some aspects of this novel that made it hard for me determine a star rating. While the author has a clear natural talent, there were some very basic skills that, if learned, would have taken the effect of her writing to the next level. There were errors in logic and continuity and repetitiveness that I felt any critique group would have spotted, and there were typos throughout, especially in the first half of the book. At some parts in the story, there were whole ends of paragraphs missing, sentences that made no sense, and completely incorrect words in the middle of sentences. (Think using the word “frog” when you mean “cafeteria”). Had this book been in the hands of a strong editor, I believe one pass for editing and one for proofreading would have been all it would take to make this book flawless. As it stands, there were times I felt this was a first draft.


To fairly rate this, I’ve decided to offer a more comprehensive star rating and give my overall star rating based on that.

Story: 5 Stars

This is one of the best stories I’ve read in a long time. A really long time. I haven’t been this addicted to a read in I can’t remember how long. It’s definitely character-based, where the plot is found in the characters and not in what is happening around them. In some regards, I think this story would hold some merit as literary fiction if it’d been better revised and edited in the writing department.

Pacing: 5 Stars

Excellent. Even with all the repetitions in ideas and descriptions, the pace breezed right along. I don’t know how long the story was, but it FELT like I was reading a novella. I didn’t find any parts that lagged or bored me, which is saying a lot. I almost always feel that way, even with my favorite books (and with my own writing!). Not the case here. I don’t know how many words this novel was, but it read quickly.

Voice: 4 Stars

As I said before, I found this voice overall pleasing. About 80% of the way through, however, there were a couple chapters in the a row that seemed overly repetitive and choppy in the style of the voice. Too much she did this, he did that, it did this, etc. A lot of this could have been fixed through critique also, especially if the author was working on the continuity and flow of her sentences.

Characters: 4 Stars

I thought Chloe and Beckett were brilliant characters. Even the parents in the story (specifically Chloe’s Mom and Beckett’s Mom and Dad) were well developed and believable. Sometimes some of the characters seemed to similar. Such as the way Chloe wouldn’t take care of herself, and then Beckett’s little brother wouldn’t take care of himself. The parallels there, especially when those two chapters were so close together, really stuck out to me, especially as Beckett was saying the same things to both of them, which made the idea feel repetitive and the characters seem less unique to themselves. Emma as a character stood out to me also as being more of a plot device. I found it hard to understand why Beckett was accepted back into the group of friends but Chloe, who used to be even more popular than Beckett, wasn’t. Why did Chloe get it the worst? Were her actions in the pictures taken more severe? I feel like there were some motivations unexplored here that would have made a few of these characters (and the story) more believable. A simple critique prior to publication would have caught this, I believe. Overall, though, the main characters were some of the best characters I’ve read in a long time.

Theme: 5 Stars

This novel is extremely TIMELY. I’d say it’d make some great required reading in both middle schools and high schools. The themes on struggling friendships, consequences for actions, bullying, peer pressure…these are all great topics to cover in a young adult book.

Continuity: 3 Stars

Overall, the story flows pretty well. There are times where ideas repeat or ideas skip around or things come up that weren’t mentioned before (but are being spoke about like they were recently discussed) or ideas are mentioned but never resolved. One example of an idea that is never resolved is why Chloe is losing so much weight. I assumed anorexia. At one point, Beckett mentions knowing Chloe’s secret, which made me think there was something more about Chloe (and like maybe her anorexia would later be revealed) but anorexia is never revealed nor do we find out what this “secret” was. Some of the scenes felt repetitive both in what happened and how things were described. I noticed this was really only a problem in a few chapters, not all of them.

Logic: 3 Stars

There weren’t a ton of logic issues, but what was there really bugged me. For example, at the beginning of the story there’s a girl going under a bridge on a sailboat. But then after that, we’re told that it’s concrete under the bridge and they walk down there. I tried and tried to visualize how it could be both, but I couldn’t. If it could be both, a better description cue from the author would have helped. There were other logic issues throughout–little things that I feel a critique partner or critique group would have spotted. All of these would have be very easy to fix, should the author decide to make some changes and put out a second edition of this fabulous novel!

Dialogue: 4 Stars

Dialogue was something I barely noticed in this novel, perhaps because it was so flawless and natural. Toward the end, there were a couple awkward conversation where people said things I didn’t think they would say or said things in unnatural ways that didn’t feel true to the situation. In a few instances, there were also characters saying similar things in similar ways to the point their voices did mush together for that brief moment. But these really were anomalies compared to the rest of the dialogue in the book. To be honest, rarely do I see such natural dialogue in writing. It’s a hard skill to master–this author must have a natural ear for it.

Setting: 4 Stars

Not a lot of time is spend on setting, but I think this is partly what keeps the pace moving along. There’s enough to fill in the blanks and let the reader use their imagination. Sometimes what is described is a bit repetitive and some variation would have been nice. The sparse style really worked for this novel overall.

Writing: 3 Stars

I’ve mentioned a few things already in passing, but there were some other things about the writing I felt could have been improved. There were tense slips (past instead of present in a present tense moment.) There were missing words, typos, missing punctuation, and other proofreading errors. Also, I noticed the author saying “I nod my head” and “She waves her hand” and things like that a lot. This kind of overwriting can become redundant, not just because it’s being used so frequently (sometimes 3 head nods in one scene) but also because of how it’s worded. “She nods” is enough. “She waves” is enough. We know people nod heads and wave hands. Now, if they’re nodding their feet or waving their nose, then the author might want to specify. Again, these are the kind of nit pics that are considered basics in writing. This is why I say the writer has such natural talent. She knows the stuff that can’t be taught. Empower her with some basic writing skills, and watch out! (It was NOT poorly-written by any means. It just wasn't as good as it could have easily been)

The Ending: 4 Stars

I feel that the wrap up chapter just barely missed the mark, though I liked the general idea. In some regards, more closure/explanation was needed, along with more hope for the future. Endings are always hard, though. The climax, however, was amazing and made me cry!



Closing Thoughts:

In the end, there were a few things that detracted from my reading (probably things that wouldn’t bother your average reader!) but it didn’t stop me from loving this novel. If those few things had been fixed, I’d have given this five stars. I hope this author can soon get a good critique group and a fabulous editor to help her novel reach her full potential. This is the kind of novel I would sign as an acquiring editor, as I can see the raw talent and untapped potential that would be oh-so-easy to bring to realization.



My overall rating at this time? 4 Stars

I’d recommend this novel to others, and I’d read more from this author.]]> <![CDATA[Writing Workshops]]> http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=100 Sat, 26 Nov 2011 20:25:47 +0000 http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=100 <![CDATA[New Member]]> http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=99 Fri, 25 Nov 2011 11:04:49 +0000 http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=99 <![CDATA[How to Post Spoilers (without Spoiling)]]> http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=98 Thu, 24 Nov 2011 14:05:35 +0000 http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=98
Simple surround the test that is a spoiler with [spoiler*] and [/spoiler] (minus the *asterisk*)

It will look something like this...

I really liked the relationship between Harry and Melissa, but I was really annoyed with some of her responses to him throughout the story.
Spoiler (Click to View)
The story of a romance between such an unlikely match (farmer and lawyer) made for a compelling read.
Spoiler (Click to View)
Even though I found Melissa's character grating at times, I would still recommend this book to anyone who likes Literary fiction or Women's fiction. They may like Melissa better than I did, but either way, I'm glad I read this story.

Now have fun with it!]]>
Simple surround the test that is a spoiler with [spoiler*] and [/spoiler] (minus the *asterisk*)

It will look something like this...

I really liked the relationship between Harry and Melissa, but I was really annoyed with some of her responses to him throughout the story.
Spoiler (Click to View)
The story of a romance between such an unlikely match (farmer and lawyer) made for a compelling read.
Spoiler (Click to View)
Even though I found Melissa's character grating at times, I would still recommend this book to anyone who likes Literary fiction or Women's fiction. They may like Melissa better than I did, but either way, I'm glad I read this story.

Now have fun with it!]]> <![CDATA[How does an E-reader effect you?]]> http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=17 Thu, 27 Oct 2011 00:07:34 +0000 http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=17 <![CDATA[The future of book stores]]> http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=16 Thu, 27 Oct 2011 00:03:24 +0000 http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=16
A smart move, obviously, meaning the investment they've made in their E-reader. It's not surprising that they're one of the big book chains that haven't gone defunct.

So what will this store look like in five years. Could it potentially become a place where one goes to drink coffee and read periodicals? Is that the future of these stores--perks in terms of their E-reader products and maybe periodicals only?

Will E-readers even catch on with everyone? I suppose, if the remaining stores lock their doors, there are still online stores, but is ordering a book online as much fun as picking one up from the shelves?]]>
A smart move, obviously, meaning the investment they've made in their E-reader. It's not surprising that they're one of the big book chains that haven't gone defunct.

So what will this store look like in five years. Could it potentially become a place where one goes to drink coffee and read periodicals? Is that the future of these stores--perks in terms of their E-reader products and maybe periodicals only?

Will E-readers even catch on with everyone? I suppose, if the remaining stores lock their doors, there are still online stores, but is ordering a book online as much fun as picking one up from the shelves?]]> <![CDATA[About the Book Discussions Forum]]> http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=1 Wed, 26 Oct 2011 13:42:10 +0000 http://immortalinkpublishing.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=1
All books published by IIP will have a STAR icon beside the post.
All books recommended by IIP will have a HEART icon beside the post.

Feel free to join in discussion on these books. If there are other books you would like to review or discuss, please visit the Book Reviews Forum.

Yours in Books,
Shana]]>
All books published by IIP will have a STAR icon beside the post.
All books recommended by IIP will have a HEART icon beside the post.

Feel free to join in discussion on these books. If there are other books you would like to review or discuss, please visit the Book Reviews Forum.

Yours in Books,
Shana]]>